Halo: Reach parody
by Drake S. Hellion
Summary: A short Parody of Reach as the ever skilled B312 joins 'Nobel' team and fights the Covenant with all flavors of kick assery out there! RnR and not to be taken seriously.


**Halo: Reach parodied**

**Noble Actual**

SPARTAN-B312 rode on the Warthog, staring at the Mark V[B] helmet calmly steely gray eyes before the driver hit a ramp and the helmet fell out onto the dirt. "Oh hell!" the Spartan muttered, turning to see his helmet stop turning to the driver he said. "Stop! I dropped my helmet!"

The Warthog skid to a halt, the Spartan hopped out and ran to his helmet, putting it on he ran back and got back in. "Alright, go!"

The Hog jerked forward and made B312 hit the back of his head on the railing with a loud curse.

"Damnit marine! Drive like you're transporting a baby and not an escaped convict! Which I certainly am not…I mean, I didn't kill the Spartan and take his armor… that would be silly…"

The driver gave B312 a weird stare before slowing to 12Kph.

When they finally reached the base B312 stepped out onto the ground and glanced. Blasting his awesome theme song over his Helmet speakers as he walked towards entrance, in his head banging he didn't notice the tail of the Falcon and he bumped into it with another curse.

Jun saw the action and shook his head. "Rookies…" he scoffed.

B312 walked up the short stairs, midway the stair brook beneath him and he fell forward onto the steps, grunting he tore his leg out and ignored the small pain and pop that followed the action and stepped inside the building.

A… robot arm? Shot up to block his path, following the arm he found it was attached to a body! And it was a fine body, looking to see the obvious good looki- his thoughts paused when he looked upon the scarred visage of Catherine-B something or other, he didn't care to remember their numbers.

She was ugly, how does a body like t_hat_ have a face like _that_? Sighing softly he turned off his music and stood silent while the Commodore talked with the Kennel.

Staring at her arm because her face was too ugly and he couldn't stare at her body because it would be rude, so he stared at her robotic arm because that made so much sense.

"You staring at something?" her accent brought him out of his staring, turning to look at her and he flinched at her face.

Then he replied. "Ma'am you have a robot arm, did you know that?" he asked, poking said appendage.

Kat stared at him, her eyes narrowed and a frown etched onto her face. For some reason it reminded him of a constipated elite. No wait, a it wasn't that bad.

Her face was clearly worse!

Clearing his throat he said. "Yes well, this conversation has been riveting, chap… now I have to get by." he pushed her arm down, she shot it back up. This process repeated until Carter finally turned to them.

"Commander," Kat said in greeting.

"Commodore," B312 'corrected' her.

"So that's our new number six," Jorge said, glancing the Spartan over once.

"Kat," Spoke the skull face reaper. "You read his file?"

"Only the parts that weren't covered in black ink," Kat replied simply.

"We still use ink this day and age?" B312 asked in disbelief. "That's like owning a Xtreme Box 7800!"

Carter approached the odd conversation and said. "Lieutenant," to greet their new member.

Stepping forward quickly. "Commodore, sir," he said greeting the leader of Nobel team.

Carter gave B312 a raised brow stare before replying. "That's Kat, noble two, Emile and Jorge, four and five," he nodded to the gentle giant toting a machine gun and the skull faced reaper. "You're riding with me noble si-"

"Nobel," B312 'corrected' him.

Carter continued. "...Six, lets go."

Carter lead the team outside and towards the Falcon. "Not gonna lie to you Lieutenant, you're stepping into some shoes the rest of the team would rather leave unfilled, as for-"

"You mean…" B312 paused. "They don't like me?" his voice sounded genuinely hurt.

"No, I mean they're just not comfortable with you ye-"

"Oh, you were saying before?" B312 interrupted him again.

"…Just get in the damn Falcon."

As the Falcon lifted into the sky Jun turned to the new team member and said. "Welcome to Reach."

B312 stared at him. "I thought this was a Falcon…"

Carter sighed long and loud.

**End!**


End file.
